Who am I (and why should you care)?

I am not as cool as I probably thought I was when this photo was taken. I feel like I look cool, and I definitely didn’t hate having my picture taken at the time. I remember being on the band bus, headed to yet another performance. The other details are very fuzzy. It has, after all, been over 16 years since it was taken. The important thing to take away from this photo is that this is still how I see myself. In my head, this is what I look like, only to get the occasional reminder when looking in a mirror that I do not.

I‘ve had plenty of life-changing events go on since then. Becoming a mother hasn’t changed the picture in my head. When I was a wife, that didn’t change the picture in my head.

At this point, I don’t know how to change how I see myself.

I‘ve heard people question why old people publish their obituaries with photos of them that are clearly from when they were younger. I think I understand. Just because they grew up and changed, doesn’t mean the way they saw themselves changed. They established their identity in their youth. Became who they were and the like. How do you change how you see your physical self? Maybe we pick a time when we felt like we were setting the stage for the rest of our life, and that’s the inner visual that we use when we think about what we look like. Maybe it’s just me. I feel like I could have lots of theories on this idea, but perhaps I’ve gotten off of the subject.

Then again, maybe that is the subject. This is my introduction to you, so why wouldn’t you see the rambling thought process?


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